Heartbroken

Days or maybe weeks have passed, but the tormenting heat remained the same despite the daily afternoon rain we've been getting lately. Haze is making the situation even worse. As a matter of fact, my throat is showing a sign of the not-so-nice-weather after effect already. And some more bad news, the temperature is expected to reach 40 deg C by march. Terrifying fact. Getting into the car these days feels like goin into the oven already. And it never failed from making me feel bursting like popcorn in the making, except that this time around no honey or butter added. Only sweat!

I woke up at 11 today feeling dizzy and hopeless thinking ah I have to do this and that. Thats why I like to sleep. Correction, I LOVE to sleep. Its a healthy way (healthy ke??? hehehe) of forgetting your problem. You need not think of anything right when you are in the sleeping mode, I mean except if you had a dream. Well, no..not exactly, we only do the thinking part (about the dream) soon after we are awake right. So, even in your dream, you dont have to do the thinking yet. Therefore, I'd say, sleeping is a good therapy for forgetting your problem. Temporarily. But, jgn tidur tak bangun2 terus dahla. Bahaya tuh. Hehe...

I called him up this morning for a very simple reason. I just wanna start the day by hearing the other significant's voice so that I'm able to boost my effort to study. Well, I just thought its a good way to start my day. But, towards the end, the conversation got ugly. Anyhow, I know its my fault all the way. Its just sometimes, I'm very surprised to know that his simple sentence could give such a significant impact to me. I'm constantly feeling very low and uneasy thinking that I will never be the person he expected me to be. That I was never the one he's looking for. Sad huh. Yes the situation made me feel that way. I after all, have nothing to be proud of. I'm just such a bad girl having an empty sole. Thats me. He told me one looses his/her focus due to this reason - hati kosong, takde pengisian. No wonder I've been struggling so hard to give my full attention to studies. The thing is what he said is VERY true albeit bitter to swallow. Takpela, he meant well so I will take it as it is. Its only that, most of the times, I feel VERY embarrassed and lost for words and then secretly hoping that there was no hidden camera in the room for my face went all red already and I definitely dont wanna be caught looking like that. Hehe.

Well, well, well...On a happier note, I managed to complete few things today despite waking up very late. Hmm, we all went to Meranti for lunch today. So cheap I tell u. Rm2.50 is considered ok-lah for a descent meal (nasi putih+ayam goreng+sayur). I've not been eating fish since tsunamis and only consumed chicken everyday. For two months dude. Bosan tak. Hahaha. Emailed ira on the food tech thingy this morning. Relieved. Settle satu keja. I took the rest of the company to yoke wan's place just to get the slides to be presented next week on tuesday. Then, off we went to his hostel to pass the notes. I tell you. This guy has been getting on my nerves these days. Pegi berantar berambik, someone prepare notes, photocopy and pegi anta ke bilik dia. Last week he didnt do the presentation when he was supposed to (he's the only one who hasnt done it). Forgiven because he was sick last week. Guess what, I caught him sleeping at the back during the presentation masa yoke wan tgh2 cuak present. Ah geramnya. But this time I just dont care, he will do his contribution to the group next week. Otherwise, I buat sup tulang dia nanti.

Oh yeah, had a nice chat with kak azrin last nite. She went to IC. How cool is that. Hehe. Jelesla. Tapi yg best tuh pesanan dia, kawinla cepat2. Best woo. HAHAHAHA..I've just got some of my friends' links so I spent a few good hrs last nite looking at the wedding pictures as well as babies too! So nice ah. Everybody is aiming for a higher degree now and surprisingly everybody choosed to study in the UK or aust. Uiks, aku sorang je ke local nih. Hehe...

Okay, enough blogging. Bila berdiri tepi tingkap terasa bahangnya, tapi tak sehangat dlm hati aku nih kot. Pandang kat luar, nampak jerebu jer. Begitulah jugalah dalam hati aku sekarang, berjerebu (qoute:azhan). Bercelaru. Apa pon, I still need to do 'this'. Teringat kata kata Dr. Fauzi...you must finish what you have started! I'm going to..InsyaAllah

Adieu.